This trailer came out a few weeks ago, but seeing it on the big screen, in front of ROGUE ONE, reanimated my scorn for Round Five the Autobots v. Decepticons brouhaha that’s been a summer staple since 2007. And lest you think I’m one of those critics who thumbs his nose at anything other than film festival cinema, you should know I’ve been a Michael Bay apologist more than I’ve been a Michael Bay hater.

Maybe I’ll be wrong about TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT, but for now all I know is I’m tired. I’m tired of Bumblebee and Optimus; I’m tired of Megatron always coming back. I’m tired of the same Michael Bay slow-mo and Michael Bay product placements. And speaking of coming back, the trailer shows Josh Duhamel back as William Lennox, moreover the cast list notes Stanley Tucci (Joshua Joyce) and John Turturro (Seymour Simmons) returning for THE LAST KNIGHT, as well. With all this rekindling, we might as well bring back Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox for the big reunion, too.

All I know right now is Anthony Hopkins’ voice is pure gold. In a perfect world, he’d read me to sleep every night. In fact, if Michael Bay really wanted to lure me to the theater for a fifth TRANSFORMERS movie, he should have made this a crossover flick with the Hannibal Lecter franchise. That would be something worth watching.