Listen, I loved and still adore 80s action movies. You name it and I was a fan. Predator, Commando, Cobra, Rambo: First Blood Part II and Die Hard are just a few that come to mind. Each of these is tied to a distinct age and theatrical memory for me as a youngster. So much nostalgia exists in that genre for me you’d think I’d be doing cartwheels at the prospect of a grandiose cinematic mingling of 80s, 90s and 00s action stars. But I’m not. In fact, I’m going to be the a-hole that says The Expendables is going to suck three ways from Sunday.

I couldn’t figure out the story from the trailer below, but here’s the cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Eric Roberts, Steve Austin, Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Granted that’s the crème de le crème of action movie stars, but I’m seeing more man boobs and Botox in that list than I am actual excitement for the August 13 release date.

But maybe I’m being too harsh. If you like what you see, please share your thoughts. As I said before, I didn’t feel anything close to enthusiasm. I simply came away constipated and confused, kind of like the prune-eating has-beens inhabiting the main roles in The Expendables.