Ugh, I can’t decide which has me more riled up – the actual contents of this trailer, Nicholas Cage’s craptastic and heavily hairplugged acting, or the fact this surefire box office bomb is suckling at the shriveled old 3D teat. Seriously! Will someone please set fire to every pair of 3D glasses and smack some sense into an obviously cash-strapped Nicholas Cage? I’d rather watch a weeklong marathon of The Nanny than have to sit through something as equally, if not more, excruciating than Bangkok Dangerous, Next, Ghost Rider or The Wicker Man. Hard to believe this is the same guy who is nothing short of brilliant in Leaving Las Vegas, Adaptation, Matchstick Men, Kick-Ass and my all-time Nic Cage favorite, Raising Arizona. On the positive, if I do have to see this, at least I’ll get to stare at the sexy Amber Heard (Never Back Down) for the bulk of the movie.

Check out the trailer after the jump and please, try not to gouge your eyes out or punch your loins.