I’ll make no apologies. I’m an ardent defender of Michael Bay’s filmography.

Yes he’s known as a cocky, volatile potty mouth who subsidizes the cochlear implant industry with big, dumb action movies– and all with the prettiest feathered hair you’ve ever seen this side of The Max. But when explosions and flying chunks of debris demand star treatment–when you need a sunset silhouetted money shot–Michael Bay refuses to disappoint. So put your Pearl Harbor hatred down and back away from the disinterest in Bad Boys II/The Island. I defy you to capture any frame of those films that wouldn’t look good framed and spotlit on your wall. It’s unpossible. It’s also a clinically proven fact: Michael Bay delivers 100% entertainment 60% of the time, every time.

Which is why I stand behind Michael Bay when he’s asked about the latest 3D craze during his stuffed pants appearance at ShoWest* and says this:

“I dunno…I might be old school. I think it might be a gimmick.”

Preach, Preacher, preach! Pass the collection plate and lemme give a husky “Amen”: 3D IS a gimmick. It’s a niche novelty. I don’t say that because local theaters (you know who you are!) have exactly zero locations out of three that are 3D equipped. I say that because no one is asking for 3D and the only entities talking about it are the studios, the distributors and James Cameron.

Please, for the love of all that remains of Sean Young’s career, we left 3D in the 50’s and after a couple one night stands in the 80’s that left us feeling icky and bad about ourselves, we left it again.  3D is not the new hotness. It’s the old hotness and Michael Bay and I are all hotted out.

* Stuffed pants appearance at ShoWest courtesy of Cinema Blend: